On Wednesday I made a quick stop at Town and Country and ran into Richard, AKA Nachman, who I haven’t seen since before Covid. I was genuinely curious about his well being, and we ended up having a short Farbrengen right in front of the Pea Milk refrigerator. He shared with me that his great-great-grandparents were living in Richmond during the Civil War when the Union forces besieged the Confederate capital. He mentioned that many gentiles hid their gold and silver with his grandparents as they felt the Jews would be left unharmed in the conflict and knew that they could trust them.

In this week’s Torah portion, Chayei Sarah, we read about Abraham sending Eliezer, his trusted servant, to find a wife for Isaac. Eliezer finds Rebecca who is kind, gracious and pure and he arranges with her parents to bring her to Israel for Isaac. Yet, Rebecca has a brother, Laban, who was an immoral person through and through, and was hoping that Eliezer was wealthy, laden with expensive jewelry which he could steal. Trust is so important, and Laban had none, instead he was a conniving cheater who didn’t value truth. The smile on his face, the words coming out of his mouth, the actions he undertook, none of it could be trusted.

It is said that “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom” and I’ve been thinking a lot about Richard’s grandparents. There are many valuable attributes that can benefit us and those with whom we seek to have a relationship, but perhaps the greatest of them all is trust. A word given must be a word kept. We must always say what we mean and mean what we say. We mustn’t live two lives with a de-facto double identity. We must be loyal and not break the trust of our confidants. Laban was a conman and that isn’t the Torah way of life.‍

“Trust me” should mean just that!‍

May G-d guard our brethren in Israel and the world over from harm and send us Mashiach speedily. May G-d protect the armed forces of Israel and the United States wherever they may be!

I’ve been told that ego stands for “edging G-d out”.

It seems like G-d and my ego are at odds. When I am G-d-centric, my ego is smaller and I’m less offended by things that tend to get “under my skin”. Yet, when everything is about me, pushing G-d to the sidelines, my ego is inappropriately inflated. Our new JLI course “Nourishing Relationships” started this week, and the topic was “The Art of Empathy”. It turns out that it’s impossible to be empathetic when we are full of ourselves. If we allow our primal, animalistic, selfish instincts to control our life, there is no room for others, but if we have a more G-d-centered experience, there is room for our friends and family, as we don’t take up all the space.

In this week’s Torah portion, Vayera, we learn about Abraham’s empathy. We know that he was kind, hospitable, and overloaded on generosity, but empathy is so much more. Abraham was able to place himself in the space of those who were struggling, feeling their pain, holding their hand, and eventually standing up for them, if necessary. Whether it was Hagar and Ishmael’s plight with Sarah, the people of Sodom and Gomorrah who were on the precipice of annihilation, or his nephew Lot being held captive amid the regional war between the four and five kings, Abraham not only sought solutions and showed solidarity, but he also empathized with those in tough situations, feeling with them in their toughest moments.  

When I was growing up empathy wasn’t a thing. We expressed immense amounts of solution-oriented kindness, which is great, but that isn’t empathy. I never understood what Chavie meant when she said, “I am not looking for solutions; I just want to talk about it”. Yet, the older I get, the more I learn, the deeper I dig into the reservoirs of Torah, the more I find empathy. Our loved ones, our friends, want to know that we can feel with them, even the unpleasant feelings, it validates them and gives them immense measures of support. Two men that were at the class this week told me that they practiced empathy at home and their wives were positively floored. We all appreciate empathy when we are the recipients, now we just need to learn how to share it with others.‍

It’s not about giving to them; it’s about being with them!

‍May G-d guard our brethren in Israel and the world over from harm and send us Mashiach speedily. May G-d protect the armed forces of Israel and the United States wherever they may be!